As I prepare to leave in 12 days, I review the list I made of my fears about the life I am about to embark on.
1. Getting sick or hurt overseas.
2. Roommates/no personal space.
3. Finances.
4. Danger abroad. Boat bruises. Weather. ...and yes, pirates.
5. No boyfriend for ugh, a year and a half.
6. My Dad in California or Sister in Kansas City needing me.
7. Turbo dog dieing.
8. Packing for a year.
9. Good byes.
10. The rental foreclosures.
11. Renting my home.
12. Getting it all done...closing a business, prepping a house, packing.
So there it is, for all the world to see...or at least the 17 people reading this!
How do I deal with fear? Acknowledge it. Rationalize why. Make a plan. But that does not mean it's gone. Fear kills creativity, ambition and progress. It lurks in the recesses of our minds until our bodies rebel by way of stress and anxiety.
I wouldn't call myself brave, I would call myself determined. But like anything, the more I practice confronting fears, the better I get at handling them. Turning it over to God is a mental state of acceptance and letting go, easier said than done.
I am finding out that the idea of going was much easier than the actions it has taken to actually leave. At times, exhausted from a day at the company, it was easier to curl up on the sofa than to confront "the to do list"...why? Fear.
I'm not alone. Everyone has area's in life they are procrastinating due to fear. Or the "what if" worries they may or may not admit. I march along doing the best I can.
In the meantime, my little silver ring reminds me to try and Fear Not.
2 comments:
Dear Edee,
It's Staci, The dolphin. I used to be an Internet Guru and now I can't operate a simple online application....
You, my dear friend, have always been, and will continue to be an inspiration to me. We have had so many wonderful times together (the 80's) and difficult ones as well...you were always the one to lean on, you were always the fearless one.
On the worst day of my life, March 18, 2007 when my son died, you were there for me.
Instantly.
You arrived at my home with a basket full of snack food big enough to feed an army, and, having studied a book on grieving, knew exactly what to say.
You were so there, and you were prepared.
There aren't many things I remember from the past 3 years but those are a few memories I will never forget, the comfort you brought and your effort to take away the pain.
I so wish I was there with you now. I not only owe it to you but I love you dearly and would do anything to help and yet I can't be there. It's extremely frustrating.
I hate seeing you going through all these difficult times and imagine it is frightening.
Life, I have come to learn, is not fair. At least in my opinion.
I do know, however, even in these difficult times you will come through them. You will as you have always done face your fears and conquer them.
You are such a survivor.
Your entire life is changing and you are about to enter what will be another chapter in your book.
Don't be afraid, you have far too many people that love you and will be thinking of you constantly.
As difficult as it has been, you are prepared.
The unknown, although fearful, can open whole new opportunities and become new and exciting memories.
You are the strongest, most compassionate and loving person I know.
You are simply amazing.
You are my hero.
As I close let me remind you...
There is a room with pink carpet and turquoise walls, let's just call it beachy.
You know the room because it's yours.
At any time before, during, or after your adventure you have a bright place to stay.
I will be thinking of you and here for you always.....
I might add that Todd and I are of the opinion, that along the way you are going to meet some hot island guy. He will instantly fall in love with you (of course)...and you will making a home abroad and hopefully vacationing here, with us.
Yes, I can see that happening...
Know that you are so very loved. You will never be alone because we will all be with you.
Much love,
Staci
At least one of your fears isn't not knowing how to tie knots!
Capt. Eric
Don't know what to do with "choose an identity" so will go as "anonymous" since I figure if I click on one of the others it will ask me questions I don't know the answers too! {:-{|)
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